Saturday, May 2, 2009

Movies and Yard Work

Yesterday was quite a relaxing day. I watched 3 movies.

The first was "Man on Wire"... STRANGE STRANGE man... absolutely insane. This Phillipe character was reading the paper one morning, saw the twin towers were being built, and on the spot decided he wanted to walk across them. Odd. Very odd. I would be petrified with fright. It was also strangely magnificent though. Where at the beginning of the movie I thought he had a mental illness by the end of it he seemed more like a complete genius.

The Second was "Swan Princess". That was hilarious because it was soooo dramatic and the lines they used were just.. wow. immature. I guess that's what you get in a kids film though. I used to LOVE that series when I was younger.

The third was "Risky Business" HAHAHA, hilarious movie. Now I wanna call a prostitude, crash my nonexistent porche and become a pimp so I can get into an ivy league college!

The down side.. I went to bed at like 2 in the morning and then my mom woke me up at 9 and I had to do yard work. At first I was totally repelled by the idea of working outside. I love the outdoors but I HATE trimming bushes grass and pulling weeds. Although it wasn't too bad because my mom let me used the hege trimmer to cut some tall grass. . . Muwahahaha. At first I was afriad i'd kill myself, but then after chopping all that grass down I never felt so ALIVE! The power to just snipsnipsnip without using any force is a bit intoxicating. Wow. I sound like a creepy serial killer. On another note the weather was really nice, and it made me want to plant my own garden. The only problem is I have no flowers and I need to study for my upcoming AP AND write a 15 page essay. Can you say fml?

As I was cutting the grass I had some time to think, one idea is resonating in my head. What's the difference between a journal, blog, and diary? I'd think a diary is personal thoughts, a journal is like a recolition of the day... so what do you do on a blog? You can't get to personal, because it's on the web, and you don't want to just list what you did that day because nobody really cares! I find this all very confusing. Any opinions?

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Ok, Why not?

So. This is the story of my life. .

A Collection of clips to the Pussy Cat Dolls song BEEP!

I've been scared for life... so THAT'S what the count does in his spare time... Censored Count Song

How'd it get so long?

I have a bad habit.
Its name....


Or at least I think that is its name. There's a little bit more depth to it than that though. I refuse to start anything unless I'm sure i'l
l finish it. Or I think I do. I usually do. It is SO hard to make a generalization about yourself cus it's most probable you contradicted it at least once. Regardless of what
I have done, in my thought process, when it comes to long term projects, I am automatically disinclined to work unless I have the motive
to complete a project. For example, essays assigned at the beginning of the week I usually end up doing the night before because I can't find the motive to finish them and end up never
beginning them. I'll sit and think to my self, "there must be something more urgent/immediate I need to do!". Maybe that is just plain and si
mple procrastination. Maybe I am addicted to instant gratification; actua
lly, I know I am.

I don't know if anyone else gets like this, but often I find myself feeling frustrated because I can't create a mental image of what's going on. I will literally break down if i can't do this. (I think that's why I'm so bad at math, because I need to see the each step of the equation l
aid out and the book skips steps and my own handwriting isn't usually neat enough for me to re-read (HAH).) I make lists. Really, you
should see my folder on the desk top, tons of documents with various names such as "Future Tasks" "New Ha
bits" "To-Do List 4-29-08", but sometimes even that's not enough to keep me on task. Someone mentioned in another blog post that
when they walk home from the train they think of great things to write about but once they get home they loose steam. That happens to me all the time, but I'm walking around my house or home from the train or I'm laying in bed and I try to picture what to
do next but I can't and then I'm afraid to start something for fear I'm overlooking another task that needs to be done more immediately.

Dude... deep stuff here...

but I originally meant for the two prior paragraphs to be about three sentences long. Ho
wever, now that I have addressed my horrible habit I
realize it needs to be cured. Fast. My prescription is to blog every day, even if it's about stupid stuff and in a listish format. This sounds silly, but I got a blog so i might be able to improve the flow of my writing through repetition. But
if I don't blog because i'm afraid of procrastinating how will I ever get my repetition in? So where i'd RATHER write something insightful, sometimes you may have to deal with me writing about grass

which I am bout to do

So today I wa
s walking home and I noticed that those bright unrealistically even and bright full green grasses are note quite as in this year, instead everyone's lawn is overgrown or full of
bright purple flowers or dandelions. HAH, the best part is when perfect grass was popular
that's when we were experiencing a drought... HAH
. I like it this way better though, with random flowers popping out in the
middle of the lawn. (will someone tell me if that's a comma splice? T
hose confuse me so much!) I also saw some squirrels and decided they almost ALWAYS clime up the tree in a circular pattern. I imagined myself hiding behind a tree from someone and just moving to the other side when they came around.
It would be awesome to be a squirrel... darting up the side of trunks, oh what fun! But imagine being a flying squirrel.
I think that may be better than being a bird. If you're a bird all you have to do is fly up and down and peck at things. How boring would that be? You know that song by Nelly Fertado (Sp) "I'm like a bird I only fly away, I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is." ... those lyrics are incredibly true. Birds have no purpose in life, i mean they obviously play an important part in the food chain but there's not much of a purpose beyond that. Squirrels, on the other hand, eat your garbage and pester you; now, that's a purpose!

wow... allow me to insert some photos to make this more interesting!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Creepy Old Men and Pictures in the Rain

The highlights of today....

I have always thought myself to be very sensitive to other people's behaviors; today, I found out I was better than I thought. So I was stopped on harlem going south and checking myself out in the rear view mirror and fixing my hair. Out of the corner of my eye I see a forty -fifty year old man, kind of skummy looking in a tee shirt with a rugged beard and grey speckled hair, also stopped on harlem but facing north. Ice Cream by New Young Pony Club was playing and I thought to myself, "This could be really sexual, I bet that old man is checking me out, that would be sooo creepy!". Lo and behold I hear from my left "You look lovely today." ... A little freaked out by this I decide pretend I didn't hear it and check myself out in the mirror a little longer than necessary and hoping I somehow misheard. As the man drives by I look in my side mirror and catch him staring at me though his side mirror with a HUGE grin on his face. I ducked for cover.

Ice Cream - New Young Pony Club

So, I love the rain. It sounds typical teenage girlyish (dancing in the rain and such), but I can't help that it's typical! I didn't make everyone love the rain, I just know I do. I mean, what's not to love!? So, today, after spending a lovely afternoon with my friends Vaughn and helen; I got home and it was POURING. What do I do? Run outside with my electric camera (no nothing happened to it, I just thought that was ironic) and took pictures of puddles! The landscapers working down the block were literally gathered in a group, staring at me as I'm kneeling in the street. It was hilarious, and tons of fun! Here are some of my favorite pictures, but at the same time they don't really do much for me.... any tips on what I could do to make them better? Either editing tips or tips for upcoming photos would greatly be a appreciated

ALL of these (except my picture) I edited a tad... because I just get obsessed with contrast and such... and the one of the raindrop I cropped because there were some other less-cool rain drops that I didn't want in the pic.

A puddle...

This is me.... after my photo adventure

A rain drop.. I think it's rad. I cropped this

A dark puddle. Contrast.. I like dark and gloomy

I made this less saturated because I HATE the background... but it still looks kinda cool

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

My trip to D.C. - I'm sure no one will read this, but i'd love it if you did!

Washington D.C. is an amazing city. I always felt proud of living in Chicago, I thought there was plenty of sight-seeing and history by which anyone could remain amused for a lifetime. PSHH... I went to Washington D.C. last Thursday and I got back yesterday. It was an insanely busy trip. I did a lot of walking, and though I did not like how the streets were named after numbers and letters (boorrinnng), I couldn't help but love everything else about this city. OK, so let's rewind. . . **I apologize in advance for off-topic rambling and choppy event recolition. I'm writing most of this post almost a month after the trip.**

There's something about airports that make me happy. Whether it be the giant planes taking off and landing, or the hundreds of people who gathered to . I took many pictures of planes taking off... I wish I took more of the travelers. . . but, that's just pushing the creeper limit if you ask me.

[Thursday - Arrival]
The plane ride was surprisingly short. We arrived in D.C. late afternoon and the weather was really wet. When we got to the hotel (The Mariot by the metro I do believe) our rooms weren't even close to being ready. -- That's something I have never understood... isn't the whole point of check-in/out times so that one guest leaves with enough time for them to get ready for the next guest? -- Oh well, there was a Cosi about 20 feet away so we all went there for lunch....OMG I NEVER WANTED A SANDWICH SO BADLY. . . but I gave meat up for lent so I had veggies and Hummace... which was pretty good!

A little bit after lunch we were allowed into the hotel room. My roomies were Nora, Diana, and of course my bed mate Jelena (thanks for being such a motionless sleeper)! The matresses were REALLY comfortable.... I've always liked my own mattress but these seriously made me realize what I was missing.

After changing, we (SIMUN) took the metro to our first committee session! -- Oh, my goodness. The Metro is the best thing on earth! Why can't the EL be like the metro?! Trains came less than every 5 minutes, and not once while I was on the train did we have to stop and wait for another car to clear. On the el I have waited nearly 20 minutes because they can't get their act together. Come ON CTA! This is why I want to go into urban planning; I want to fix the el... and get rid of one way streets. My dad wanted to do that too, but I guess jobs are limited in that field so he became a sociology professor...sadly, I doubt I will ever actually go into urban planning. =[ --Anyways, back to WAMUNC. Opening ceremony was extremely boring... I did not listen to one word the speaker said! At first I felt badly because of this, but as his speech drawled on I figured it was his own fault for being so boring. After the ceremony we had dinner and then it was off to our first session.

I was walking to my building with some other kids from my school... sorta. In other words we were walking to the same place but attempting not to acknowledge one another. I was walking parallel with this pretty cute boy and we greeted each other. We began to make small talk. (Who said what is irrelevant... I don't remember it anyways)
*Exchange names... Ryan/Connie*
Are you headed for E street?
Yeah! You too?
Mhm, What committee are you in?
IRC, you?
Nice! What country are you?
Great! Me too! we're partners!
Wait... what school do you go to?
I thought so...Me too... weird... why didn't we know we're partners?
Ryan: so I think we should start with topic A or B ... no one cares about C
topic C? *oh fuck* what's that about again?
Ryan: You know the crisis in Columbia
Me: I didn't get a topic C... I don't think we're in the same committee... we shouldn't be. there are no joint delegations...
Ryan: but I'm sure Mrs. Haleas said IRC
*Jack Reidy Steps in* guys shouldn't be the same country... Ryan, your name tag says your in a different committee.
Ryan: but I already did the work for the IRC!
Me: Crap.. there's a topic C.....
Jack Reidy: you guys need to call Mrs. Haleas right now!

.... and we do. Turns out he was supposed to be in the other group but our committee chair let us be a joint delegation... Thus the Ryan & Connie team of awesomeness was born... best thing ever! We spent the entire first committee session listening to debate on what we should debate about... rather tedious. The topics were the Gaza Strip crisis, Columbia hostage crisis, and the Crisis in Dem Republic of Congo. It was our committee's job to make a budget plan for all of these crises. The first plan we made was for the DRC... not what China wanted but better than Columbia.. which I STILL knew nothing about.

When we got to the hotel, thank goodness Diana had her computer... I knew I had to write my Columbia position paper overnight and email it. Sadly... Diana and Jelena were on the computer and I didn't get it till nearly 1 in the morning.... I went to bed around 2 without finishing it yet. When I woke up in the morning I was going to finish it but again didn't get to use the computer. I ended up finishing my position paper after our excursion around DC literally 2 minutes before I was supposed to leave for committee. I am both an idiot... and a beast.

[Friday - Excursion]
The Friday morning excursion was amazing! We walked to the capital. Received a mini tour of the offices there and saw our senator's office... or at least the door to it. we then received a tour of the more aesthetic part of the capital... it was so beautiful! I have tons of pictures. We did photo shoots outside capital hill and rested on the stairs of the supreme court building. Split up, ate lunch and then went back to the hotel. It was a lovely morning. The Cherry Blossoms were in full bloom!

After the excursion there was two committee sessions. Ryan and I went looking for the building, got lost, and once we were half way there (it was the farthest one away btw) we realized that it was the wrong time and had to go back to where we came. A bit ridiculous. I had Italian food for dinner then went to the second committee session (the correct building thank goodness). The room we were in was really nice; I don't know its actual purpose, but it had tiers of desk space which was leveled around the room in an U formation.... pointless information, I know, but when I read this later I want to remember the room!

[Saturday - Alumni]
Saturday was mainly all committee session. Some of the people there were such charachters. This one girl would not stop asking questions... "point of inquiry on my point of inquiry!" It was really funny and the committee made a big joke out of it.

After committee we went to an alumni dinner and sadly missed the delegate dance because of it. However, the people there were very interesting; so, that was a lovely evening. I met someone who used to live in River Forest who might have gone to school with one of my relatives. I also met an old man who told me I could be anything I want to be! Did you know they used to teach Russian at Iggys? I wish they still did! I had a really cute dress on too! I'll have to find a picture of it...

[Sunday - Georgetown/Home?]
Sunday we packed our bags and went to our last committee session. Basically we goofed around the entire time. Earlier Ryan and I tried to assassinate someone (I forget who now) and though I believed we failed in doing so we started a chain of reactions. By the end of the committee session Canada has become part of the U.S., China took over California and all busy burgers across the U.S. (and changed them to panda express) WWIII had begun and the IRC spend all of their funds on a massive, bomb proof dinner party. How sweet is that?! During closing ceremony awards were given out and Ryan and I received an award. Third place in our committee, not bad.

After the ceremony we visited Georgetown
. What a cute neighborhood!!! All the houses were different colors, and there were hundreds of little shops. Some where rather high-end and others were thrifty. I liked it. Seriously, I thought River Forest, or even Lincoln Park was cute... but this completely surpasses both of those. We received a tour of the University. I saw the chapel where my godfather's son, Rob, was married. I was there the last time I went to D.C. as well. Although, I knew very little of the importance of Georgetown U. at that time. That would be such an amazing school to go to! ... Sorry, I'm totally rambling.

Finally it was time to leave. We arrive at the airport, check in our bags, and then hear the flight has been canceled. The airport paid for us to stay at the Holiday Inn. The ENTIRE time we stayed there I kept hearing "we be chillin at the holiday Inn... something... all of my friiieenndss" . It was horrible! On top of constant singing in my head, I had a horrible sore throat and felt very sick that evening. One good thing about the hotel was that they gave you hard and soft pillows. THEY LET YOU PICK WHICH ONE YOU WANTED! Awesome right? I didn't like either pillow, but the fact that you could choose just made everything better. Another positive was my roommate, Alyssa was awesome! On the negative side we were given a 10 dollars for dinner but the service was horrible! I ordered casadilla's and I received my food when everyone else was finished with theirs and it was totally this one lady's fault. When I order I ask if they had breakfast, she said no and then moved on to the next person, skipping my order. I I call her attention and ask her for plain cheese casadillas. She goes "ok" without looking and then asks the next person before letting me finish and ask for a glass of orange juice. Then when she brings my casadillas they have all sorts of veggies on them and I tell her I ordered cheese and I ask for cheese. She brings back the same casadillas with more cheese on it and I re-explain I wanted ONLY cheese. First of all... I thought my request was clear, second of all every time I tried to tell her something she didn't pay attention. Three time I had to speak with her! Three strikes and you're out! So it was her fault. I got angry and bored and put salt in the pepper shaker and vis versa... BADASS.

[Monday- Home Sweet Home]
The next morning we flew back to Chicago.... which left me with the dissapointment I described in the first paragraph of this post. I went from cherry blossoms, colorful houses that had charachter, and spring weather to the cold, thawing, industrial, repetative Chicago. Since then however i've regained a little bit of the admiration I once had. I still love D.C. though.

Sears vs. Willis - Rape Juice

Ok, 'Willis Tower'. Seriously? I've never liked the name 'Sears Tower' to begin with, but 'Willis Tower' is simply the worst sounding thing ever. To many humans around the world Chicago is solely known for the large Sky-Scraper it possesses. Since that name is so well known, it should be something that represents the city as a whole. The name 'Sears Tower', to me, implies that Chicago is cool, urban and sheik. The way 'Willis Tower' sounds reminds me of an old man. Even the Willis company itself looks like it's for old boring business people ( Not only does the name Willis remind me of an old man, but something rather dirty. It's the same concept as when "Gallans" was renamed as "Dick's". The word Willis simply puts my mind in the gutter. As if the Sears tower isn't enough of a phallic symbol already. If you don't understand how I'm making this dirty connection look at this: ......... Urban Dictionary never ceases to inform me of new disgusting actions I didn't know were done.... In my eyes, there will always be a Sears Tower in Chicago, Willis is just horrible sounding. What do you think?
I feel like such a slacker for not writing any posts. OK, so admittedly I HAVE written a few diddies... I just didn't post them. I think my main problem is that I try to organize my posts by topic, but whenever I start typing a thousand ideas rush into my head at once. I'll start off talking about D.C. and end up complaining about the re-naming of the Sears tower. I guess the point of this post is to warn you I'm going to have a posting frenzy in the next day or so.... enjooooy.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

New Glasses

I'm utterly disappointed.

I've been waiting for the longest time to get a pair of glasses. My contacts dry my eyes out so that no-matter how hard I try to stay awake and do my homework, my eyes close, and I fall asleep. My previous pair of glasses had a thick grouping of scratches right in my line of vision, making it nearly impossible to read anything. So about a month ago my mom told me to make myself an eye-doctor appointment. Being the lazy-butt I am, I email Pearle Vision. I remember musing at how cool it was to be able to schedule an appointment online, because then I didn't have to leave the computer in the middle of my very important computer business! Well, after I went to my appointment, feeling very proud to have done so on my own, my mom says, "Where did you go? I hope you didn't go to Pearle, they always mess up the prescription." Annoyed at my mother's lack of appreciation for my new found independence, I decided to dismiss her concern. After all, a doctor is a doctor... how badly could they screw up? HAH.

Many weeks later (today) I go to pick up my eye-glasses. They were beautiful, Juicy Couture, rectangle lenses (though my mom was against it because she thought the longer the lense the thicker... pshh). I couldn't REALLY see them on me in the store, because I didn't want to take my contacts off, but I knew they'd look good, so it didn't really matter. I arrive home super stoked and take out my contacts so I could wear my glasses. I try them on and... WOAH it's like I grew a foot and i'm staring at people though binoculars. Now, I've worn glasses since 4th grade, and I know when you get a new pair they can feel a little different, but I mean WOAH. I look at myself in the mirror and can't help but feel cross eyed; and i'm complete unable to focus. I close my left eye, everything looks normal. I close my right eye, everything's double. Crap. The left eye is way too blury, I think it's the difference in clerity between the two eyes that makes it so difficult to see. I take them off to look at them and notice how incredibly thick the lenses are. At first I thought "Ohh well that's not that big of a deal, it doesn't effect my vision at all like mom said." Then I look at it from the other side and the word four eyes has a whole new meaning. Looking into the corner of my glasses I could see four of everything thanks to the thick curvature. 

The once sweet fondness I had for my glasses has turned sour. I'm wearing them right now and can't see a thing. Now I have to have another eye appointment, wait another two weeks, and put my eyes though another round of irritation through wearing them into the wee hours of the morn... all because I didn't go to the right eye doctor. I am utterly dissapointed in myself and these dumb glasses.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

A few turning points.

I have often found myself feeling as if I'm stepping around jagged pieces of glass.  I mean that very literally; the image comes into my mind all the time. My dad died two years ago and i've had some pretty intense awkward moments.  For the awkwardness I've always blamed the other party  simply because I'm not super sensitive to people bringing up my dad's death.  I also knew a girl whose father died in grade-school, and she paraded it around trying to get sympathy.  I remember thinking about how ridiculous she was acting, and hearing how other people judged her and hoped I would never be like that if disaster struck me.  From these experiences I engraved the idea in my head that no one, no matter how kind, good willed, or caring they are, wants to hear anything remotely related to Dad's death. 
 I've unfortunately taken this perspective into all matters revolving death, and have become rather judgmental.  If anyone ever tells me about someone close to them who has passed on, I nod and console but find myself extremely strained. I can't help but think to myself, "If I can keep my thoughts to myself, why can't you?"  To a certain extent i've become very emotionally reserved (at least more than I was). Today, after being texted about some recent death of my friends relative who I had never known, I told my mom about this peeve of mine and she replied "Maybe you're the weird one."   I thought about this for all of .76 seconds and then moved on. 
Regardless of my harsh judgments I know I complain to others all the time.  I sprinkle my complaints around; a lame attempt not to overwhelm any specific person.  I know I'm being hypocritical and this drives me mad, which is why I feel as if I'm stepping around glass.   I'm trying to fight the temptation to seek attention and step around glass I try to be very careful as not to make anyone uncomfortable, and I'm constantly fighting the temptation to complain and seek pity/attention which I know I hate. Therefore, whenever I vent, I feel extremely terrible and guilty afterwards; fearful that I upset the invisible balance of happiness with my negativity or caused someone to judge me poorly (like the girl in grade-school I mentioned). 
Minutes ago, after one of my pity/venting parties via IM (I know, lame), I was feeling rather self-conscious and asked, " Is this conversation weird for you?" ... and they replied "no".  That was not the answer I expected at all.  Here I was sitting stiff and they say no... apparently they weren't as disturbed as I was. I finally realized my mom was right. I am the weird one.  By jumping around and running away from judgment I turned into this overly reserved, way overly sensitive person, who frequently and sporadically complains.  EWWWW. Sometimes I can't stand myself.  But I guess admitting it is the first step to fixing it.  And that's what I'm doing now.
Cheers! To being a better person. 

Thursday, March 5, 2009

First Signs of Spring

I should be writing a paper on the economic policies of Russia and Iran, but I find blogger a much more satisfying way to use my writing skills. Not to mention today's weather was just beautiful, how could I possibly be able to sit at the computer and type a paper? (Ironically... I'm sitting on the computer... and typing this story.) Just smelling the air before a rainfall automatically puts me in a good mood and papers do the opposite.  Why should shoo away the warm fuzzies?  Honestly, I don't think I'm going to write this paper.
 Spring has truly begun at my household. I don't care what the groundhog said... IT'S HERE.  There are these white, tear-drop shaped flowers that grow beside my driveway and are the first thing to bloom each year.  My dad used to announce their coming upon his arrival home from work each spring, and my younger self would run out to look at them regardless of whether or not I had already seen them on my journey home from school. It's weird to think i've only experienced the joy of their first arrival 16  times.  I don't know why they hold so much meaning, but seeing them just makes me feel ten times stronger and more cheerful. Today I almost missed them.  I was walking up the driveway and passed them without a thought, but when I turned around to close the fence I looked up for some reason and somehow got a glimpse of white (and I automatically knew what it was).  It felt like my dad was pointing them out to me, but I'm not sure I believe that. 
My mom's been asking me to take pictures of flowers for her to hang since this time last year; so I decided to take some snapshots of the first sign of spring. BOY, what an adventure.  It was extremely muddy and windy; I took off my socks and shoes (brand new white pumas) and the wind blew my socks away! I looked for them but was too lazy too rummage around under the bushes so I ignored their disappearance. My mom would kill me if she knew... but I don't really care; I mean, I can't, it's already too late. 
Sadly all my pictures turned out horribly thanks to my lack of attention for detail.  There were some cords from the christmas lights laying on the ground (bright, ugly, orange ones), and they managed to get into all my favorite photos.  Also, most of my worms eye view pictures had  rabbit feces in them ... very attractive.  Although I did happen to catch a few damn good pictures of a lady bug (good as in content...  not in clarity =[ ).  Sadly that's about it. However I don't care if my pictures look like crap... IT'S SPRING!  And these photos can only help me to find my flaws and fix them.  Hooraay for learning!! 

"Is there anybody going to listen to my story?"

I feel weird getting personal with, well, nothing... and something! ... if you know what I mean. I'm not talking to anyone, but someone is going to read this. As I type right now I can feel the impatience settling in my stomach.  That feeling you get when you're trying to tell a story, and mid-sentence the listener averts his/her attention; thus triggering a series of emotions. When you finally notice said listener is not paying attention, you try to speak a little louder because maybe they just forgot you;  they continue to ignore you then the embarrassment sets in... Not only have you been pushed aside as the lesser of two occurrences, but you tried to regain their attention like a sad little puppy dog!  After standing there for a few moments, waiting until you can speak again, your confidence is completely shattered from lack of attention. 

So right now I guess I feel like that sad little puppy dog trying to gain your attention.  I hope I do, but in a positive "aww how adorable" way rather than the  angry"go away dog!" way.  (mind you this is a metaphor, I'd rather no one ever came up to me and said "aww how adorable!"... or to "go away dog" for that matter. 

Well, goodbye! 
... person who isn't there...