Thursday, April 30, 2009

How'd it get so long?

I have a bad habit.
Its name....


Or at least I think that is its name. There's a little bit more depth to it than that though. I refuse to start anything unless I'm sure i'l
l finish it. Or I think I do. I usually do. It is SO hard to make a generalization about yourself cus it's most probable you contradicted it at least once. Regardless of what
I have done, in my thought process, when it comes to long term projects, I am automatically disinclined to work unless I have the motive
to complete a project. For example, essays assigned at the beginning of the week I usually end up doing the night before because I can't find the motive to finish them and end up never
beginning them. I'll sit and think to my self, "there must be something more urgent/immediate I need to do!". Maybe that is just plain and si
mple procrastination. Maybe I am addicted to instant gratification; actua
lly, I know I am.

I don't know if anyone else gets like this, but often I find myself feeling frustrated because I can't create a mental image of what's going on. I will literally break down if i can't do this. (I think that's why I'm so bad at math, because I need to see the each step of the equation l
aid out and the book skips steps and my own handwriting isn't usually neat enough for me to re-read (HAH).) I make lists. Really, you
should see my folder on the desk top, tons of documents with various names such as "Future Tasks" "New Ha
bits" "To-Do List 4-29-08", but sometimes even that's not enough to keep me on task. Someone mentioned in another blog post that
when they walk home from the train they think of great things to write about but once they get home they loose steam. That happens to me all the time, but I'm walking around my house or home from the train or I'm laying in bed and I try to picture what to
do next but I can't and then I'm afraid to start something for fear I'm overlooking another task that needs to be done more immediately.

Dude... deep stuff here...

but I originally meant for the two prior paragraphs to be about three sentences long. Ho
wever, now that I have addressed my horrible habit I
realize it needs to be cured. Fast. My prescription is to blog every day, even if it's about stupid stuff and in a listish format. This sounds silly, but I got a blog so i might be able to improve the flow of my writing through repetition. But
if I don't blog because i'm afraid of procrastinating how will I ever get my repetition in? So where i'd RATHER write something insightful, sometimes you may have to deal with me writing about grass

which I am bout to do

So today I wa
s walking home and I noticed that those bright unrealistically even and bright full green grasses are note quite as in this year, instead everyone's lawn is overgrown or full of
bright purple flowers or dandelions. HAH, the best part is when perfect grass was popular
that's when we were experiencing a drought... HAH
. I like it this way better though, with random flowers popping out in the
middle of the lawn. (will someone tell me if that's a comma splice? T
hose confuse me so much!) I also saw some squirrels and decided they almost ALWAYS clime up the tree in a circular pattern. I imagined myself hiding behind a tree from someone and just moving to the other side when they came around.
It would be awesome to be a squirrel... darting up the side of trunks, oh what fun! But imagine being a flying squirrel.
I think that may be better than being a bird. If you're a bird all you have to do is fly up and down and peck at things. How boring would that be? You know that song by Nelly Fertado (Sp) "I'm like a bird I only fly away, I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is." ... those lyrics are incredibly true. Birds have no purpose in life, i mean they obviously play an important part in the food chain but there's not much of a purpose beyond that. Squirrels, on the other hand, eat your garbage and pester you; now, that's a purpose!

wow... allow me to insert some photos to make this more interesting!

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